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Never Underestimate the Power of Words to Heal Pt 2

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Never Underestimate the Power of Words to Heal Pt 2

In our last blog I shared the power of words and how they can heal, if you missed it you can read it here. Today we will dive into what touched me especially about her visit, though, was her verbal demonstration of love for me, for the family I live with. I have never met anyone so effusive with praise. She looks you in the eye and says, “I experience such love and care from you”, or “I am amazed at how you start each day so cheerfully”. This reminds me a bit of a chapter from Gary Chapman’s The Five Languages of Love-the one on language of affirmation. I so appreciated her “language”.

There is a line from a play where a gal says, “I thought by loving him/her, he/she would become loving”. The experience with my Aunt proved how wrong that statement can be.

With the right person, feeling loved comes easily.

Aunt Mary left for New England today. Next month she makes her third trip to Capri and Sorrento in Italy.

I packed her a lunch for the plane and included a note.

“To my dear Aunt, your love has nurtured my soul, the way your care made all the difference to me in childhood”.

Here’s to the Aunt Mary affirmative voice in us all, may we use it lavishly on ourselves and others.

Have you ever intentionally used your words to heal? Can you think of a time where someone has used words that had a lasting healing impact in your life?

Please share your thoughts and experiences in the comments sections directly below. And will you please share this article by clicking the facebook share button below, let’s all be a apart of the ripple effect…. words have healing power.

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Never Underestimate the Power of Your Words to Heal Pt 1.

journey-inwardIt is so true, when the student is ready the teacher will manifest. This was never more true than on a recent visit from my dear Aunt Mary who came from the cold in New England to bask in the warmth of SW Florida.
Synchronicity is defined as “two events coming together and appear to be significantly related”. This visit was for me synchronistic.

I was at a point of feeling the emptiness of my energetic well when she arrived.

Professional demands had been exceedingly high since the opening of the year, all while my personal life was screaming for “more and more time for what matters”. I was feeling the challenge of push-pull between these realities.

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At first, the visit with my aunt seemed like all the others, pleasant and enjoyable. Then came the snow in New England, and her stay with us needed to be extended.

That unexpected time together opened many doors for me.

The history on my dear Aunt is that she was the one at whose home I spent many weekends. She, my Uncle, and 4 sons, lived in the country and I would remember the silence of being in her back yard and connecting with the cows on the farm that bordered her home. Likewise as the oldest female niece, I garnered a lot of attention from my Aunt who would often take me downtown for tea or an ice cream sundae. I always felt so special when I was with her.
As life would have it my Aunt was adventurous and she and her family lived a very full life. My Uncle loved to travel and they visited Europe many times. Unfortunately, she was widowed younger than she had expected, and she suffered from the extraordinary challenges one experiences when faced with a serious disease from which she has been in remission many years.

My Aunt is 4 years younger than my mom, but they share the same birthday. My Aunt embraces most every activity with a wow and an awe, and is verbally very affirming in a way that I find contagious. She appreciates music and literature and libraries as much as her cooking and traveling.

On any given day she will recite this phrase , “Behold today is a new day, think… whilst thou let it slip away?”, as she lives her legacy of enjoying every moment.

living a legacy and loving it with Cynthia Mitchell

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Remember, we only take the love we make.

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How Secure is Your Energy Account Part 2

We are coming out of a holiday symbolized by the heart. We see heart shaped everything from cards to wall décor to candy, but how many of us know what the symbol of the heart shape really means?

It means “Mutual”, defined in a Google search as “a partnership based on mutual respect and understanding”
Yet, how much of what we celebrate in our relationships is mutual?

When I suggest mutual, I suggest a relationship where there is a reciprocal “give and take”. Not where one is doing more giving than receiving, or vice versa.

Reflecting back on part one of this blog, have you evaluated your primary relationships recently with regard to their level of mutuality? Perhaps the questions below will renew that reflection for you.

What are some questions that can help us assess whether our personal and professional relationships? This is like a study of what I will call “a mutuality quotient”. Here are some questions for reflection.

1. When I am with this person in person or over the phone, do I feel invigorated or drained?
2. When it comes to listening and speaking is there a balance between who does what or is it usually about the other person?
3. When I think of moving forward in my life, do I feel encouraged to do so with this person by my side?
4. When it comes to things like affection, money, gifts, time, do I make more withdrawals from my energy account to foster this relationship or do I find I am making more “deposits” to my account?
5. Does this relationship encourage me to be in the flow of life?
6. How is this relationship helping me know myself spiritually?

Mutuality is endemic to partnership and certainly is a hallmark of relationships that thrive. On a scale of 1-10, where ten is highly motivated to liberate yourself from relationships that drain you, how ready are you to secure your relationship energy account?

Likewise, for those relationships that bless you by their presence in your life; how motivated are you to be make more time to be present in them?

I appreciate a quote from a timeless book loved by many entitled” The Little Prince”. In it the author asks, “What is love?”And the author’s response is found in the meme below.

In the days before you I wish you the grace and the wisdom to know the difference between relationships that add to your energy quotient and those that subtract from your life. I see you having the courage to take action on your behalf to edit or censor or affirm them.

~Cynthia V.Mitchell, author Time for What Matters, is President of her company by that name. For your FREE chapter of her book, CLICK HERE.

 

Remember we only take the love we make,
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How Secure Is Your Energy Account Part 1

I once heard someone say that energy is like a bank account, we make deposits and we make withdrawals. The more we withdraw energy the more “drained” we feel. This analogy can apply to anything, our finances, our food, our sleep, and our relationships.

How do your primary relationships affect your energy account?

Recently, my soul sister and I were making a list of the things we wanted to change in our lives. We had just returned from a 3 week trip to Italy, and feeling the import of that trip on our lives, began to assess how we would continue to enhance our lives.

We came to a conclusion…we wanted to integrate more of the easy going lifestyle we lived in Italy into our everyday lives. In order to do so, we would need to create room in our lifestyles for the spontaneous to emerge.

For me that meant rolling back the level of activity that centered on my personal and professional life to breathe new life into these”dry bones”.
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I began by asking my family some meaningful questions like: if you could do things differently with your schedule, where would you begin?

We discovered that more “me” time was a desire for all of us. And we found a way to implement that change.
Then we began to look at how we valued our time.

I sought the help of a dear friend and colleague whose expertise includes helping women establish better boundaries.

I shared with him that “time is my new currency”, and that I was focused upon “extricating” myself from tasks that I did not absolutely have to do. I am fortunate in that six months ago we hired a talented support person who has helped us all breathe more easily given the volume and sheer detailed nature of our work. Hiring her was step one for me.

Before we can extricate ourselves from a circumstance, situation or relationship there has to be an “ah!ha” moment, when a person gets a felt sense that what I am doing is no longer working for me.

My coach asked me to identify what I value as a person. I stated “being compassionate, trustworthy and loving”. Then he shared, “people with those values are all too ready to be helpful and take responsibility that is not even theirs.”

I felt like he hit me over the head with a rubber mallet.

For years, as a professional speaker I taught:”Care giving and care taking are only separated by the the word me.”
In care giving, I care about me and I care about you. In caretaking, there is no me.
Now I could more fully understand how I had slipped to the side of caretaking in many of my relationships, including my relationship to my business. In developing small businesses, all in the helping professions, I had more and more edged myself out of the equation.

How would I begin to generate more time currency?

In my next blog, I evaluate which relationships are life-giving and which seem to stand in the way of the legacy of trust, compassion, and love that I want to live every day.

Are you doing what matters now? Get your Free chapter of Time for What Matters and Free 12 months of “time tidbits : Click Here To Learn More About Our Living The Legacy and Loving It Tribe.

 

Remember we only take the love we make,
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Care Giving for Our Parents: A Blessing in Disguise Part 2

As a former therapist, here’s what I know.  A healthy person cares for themselves first, like putting on that oxygen mask first, as they say on an airplane. In fact, I would say “the prerequisite to caring for others is caring for you first”. I know that this is  easier said than done.

January is my birth month.  This year my intention is to highlight self care. I deserve that as does my mother because, when I am more myself, I am a better care giver.

Below find the caregiver burden scale. Taking it ,can help you get started on your path to self care.

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If for instance, like me, you score “moderate to severe” in burden, you can ask yourself:  “What do I do now, to make a change in the direction of caring for myself?” Since most of the way we respond to others in our environment says more about us than them, the real “burden” lies with us. I remember saying to my counseling clients “when the relationships of your life reveal to you their meaning, your resistance goes away”. It is no different in our relationship to our parents…this, I believe is our blessing in disguise.

As I quoted in a meme on my Face Book page, Time for What Matters, I regularly pray “fa di me uno instrumento della lua Pace”, in Italian. Translated “make me an instrument of your peace”

It helps me remember a time of great peace when after 13 years, this past summer, my husband and my soul sister and I made time to go to Italy.

Like happiness, peace is an inside job, and for me it is cultivated by self care.

May this care giving scale help you make a difference in your lives and the lives of those elderly folks you care for.

 

Caregiver Burden Scale


Questions (rated as 0-Never to 4-Nearly always)

  1. Self-administered survey completed by caregiver
  2. General feelings
  3. Feelings regarding caring for relative
  4. Sense of responsibility
  5. Feelings when with impaired relative
  6. Relationship with relative negatively impacts
      1. Not enough time for self
      2. Over-taxed with responsibilities
      3. Lost control of life
      1. Uncertain about what to do for relative
      2. Feeling that should do more for relative
      3. Feeling that could do a better job of caring
      4. Overall level of burden
      1. Excessive help requests
      2. Level that impaired relative depends on caregiver
      3. Sense that all responsibility falls on one caregiver
      4. Fear of future regarding impaired relative
      5. Fear of not enough money to care for relative
      6. Fear of not able to continue caring for relative
      7. Wish to leave care of relative to someone else
      1. Sense of strain
      2. Anger
      3. Embarrassed
      4. Uncomfortable about having friends over
      1. Social life
      2. Other relationships with family and friends
      3. Caregiver health
      4. Privacy
  1. Interpretation
    • . No or minimal burden: 0 to 20
  1. Mild to moderate burden: 21 to 40
  2. Moderate to severe burden: 41 to 60
  3. Severe burden: 61 to 88

Source: Zarit, gerontologist , Caregiver Burden Scale

 

We welcome your comments as you help one another become more prosperous.

And remember “we only take the love we make”.
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Did you know you can start living your legacy now? We are and Loving it in our online community here:
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Care giving for our Parents: a Blessing in Disguise

Care giving for an elderly parent is right up there for many Americans along with motherhood and apple pie. One gets a “good feeling” thinking about others doing care giving.

As I shared in my book, Time for What Matters, my care giving activities started at an early age for me, as I was “groomed” to be that since I was a little girl. But officially, I welcomed my parents to live with me in 2003, four years after I was married to my sweetheart of a husband.

Care giving comes naturally to me, I recognized early on that I was a mother “archetype” as the famous psychoanalyst Carl Jung defines that archetype. For better or worse, I am a natural nurturer-especially to others. And that’s where the challenge begins.caregiver

It’s easier to follow one’s natural inclination, especially if one’s ego is centered on how many people” I can help”. Is it any wonder I chose a career of “helping professions”, teacher, counselor, spiritual guide, wedding planner and officiant? And now through my new website www.cynthiavmitchell.com, I live my legacy while teaching others how to live theirs.

I am grateful for the natural inclination to care for others. And I am grateful that I was raised in an Italian American family that thought it a privilege to care for our elders. My mother, as an example, cared for her mother for 23 years. My grandmother lived with us all that time, until my parents downsized to a condo, then my aunt took care of my grandmother who lived until she was 102.

At first, and for most of these 12 years, that I have taken care of my parents, I felt totally grateful about the decision to invite them to do so. I never would have had those precious memories because they lived with us. My father and mother were a team, married for 61 years before he passed. What I did not anticipate was the changes that come when one of the partners makes his/her transition.

My mother never moved on when my father died. And honestly, I can understand that. My mother is a true blessing to our family; she just never found “feeling happy” again.

Relatives, friends, even medical doctors, are another matter for caregivers like myself. You have those who are compassionate and those who have no idea of what energy it takes to show up every day as a caregiver.
And caregivers like myself who own businesses, have still another challenge. The push-pull, as identified in the Caregivers scale, to balancing work and time for what else matters is a daily force to be reckoned with.
Recently I read a blog post in Positive Moms. The author a friend of mine , Elayna, shared “I never made time for myself and I DID NOT CARE”. I was convinced, as I asked myself “do I care about me?”.

In my next blog post I offer an opportunity for you to evaluate as I did,just how much caring for others may be costing you, and I offer a solution to turning back the hands of time as you move forward.

We welcome your comments as you help one another become more prosperous.

And remember “we only take the love we make”.
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Did you know you can start living your legacy now? We are and Loving it in our online community here:
Click Here Find Out More

Freedom to Receive

cynthia blog imageIn my previous blog I addressed the value of giving and receiving and the flow of that as necessary to prosperity. As many of us are faced with attitudes towards prosperity in these days of giving and receiving gifts, I thought I would use these moments to reflect upon our style of doing either.

Each month I prepare a list of quotes to feature in my Face book memes or my Time Talk Tidbits (free to subscribers on my website cynthiavmitchell.com). One quote that stood out for me was by Jarod Kintz. He states that: “The only gift I have to give is the ability to receive.”

Is that really true? And more importantly, is that true for you?

When I was a young teenager, I was on the leadership team for a conference of young girls with the help of my mentor, a director of a leadership program at the YWCA.Her name was Miss Hill and to this day, I credit her with inspiring my future direction and my acknowledging how much I loved being a leader. The program was all about developing self esteem and positive attitudes.

Miss Hill believed in us and in our ability to lead. She inspired me to do the same. She had so much to teach me, all I had to do was receive. Most of all I developed a definition of what integrity meant, and that has been a guiding light throughout my life some five decades later.

I have been on the receiving end of guidance from so many women who have influenced my life. I just never thought to call it that. Have you ever stopped to acknowledge how people, both men and women, by living their legacy, have “gifted” you?

Which brings me to the next quotation that inspired me:

“Always give without remembering and always receive without forgetting.”
― Brian Tracy

It is good to receive, and important to remember those who have given to us. But what about our willingness to give?

In my childhood years we grew up with two schools of thought, “always be a cheerful giver” and its antithesis “an eye for an eye, and ear for an ear”. Do you recognize these?

We’ll explore these questions post Chanukah, and Christmas and Kwanza. My hope is that your holidays will be anointed with the oil of gladness, and that always your table will be prepared before you as you recognize how your “cup runneth over”.(Psalm 23)

We welcome your comments as you help one another become more prosperous.

And remember “we only take the love we make”.
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Did you know you can start living your legacy now? We are and Loving it in our online community here:
Click Here Find Out More

Giving and Receiving: A page from the Time Gifter’s Journal By Cynthia v.Mitchell,M.Ed.

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The holiday season is upon us and the focus of many of our lives will be upon giving and receiving. To which are you more easily predisposed?

This blog begins an inner world exploration of giving and receiving. I prefer to call them “states of consciousness”, meaning both giving and receiving are symbolic of the way we are in life.

I was raised with two golden rules:”Do unto others as you wish they would do unto you”, and “It is better to give than to receive”….many decades later I am here to share that both of those have “holes” in their theory.

Let’s start with the idea of doing unto others. For years, many of us have done that. In fact, “doing unto others what we want to have done unto us comes naturally” for many of us. It is noble to live life according to this rule. But the question surfaces… what happens when we respond positively to others yet others do not respond that way to you or others?

And as to the second rule, isn’t it time for a remake like, “it is equally good to give as to receive?”What happens if we focus on giving more than being open to receiving? How do we learn to receive graciously and sincerely?

In the Time Gifter’s paradigm, giving and receiving as an art, to and from God (or Spirit), self and others really matters. As an example, there is a Unity affirmation that states: “Spirit is the Source of my prosperity”. This means that no person, no job, no circumstance is directly responsible for our level of prosperity, nor” can any person or circumstance keep you from your Divine inheritance”, as Unity phrases it. To believe, as an example, that my job is the source of my prosperity or my spouse or my bank account is the source is to live with what prosperity language calls “hold cards”. We hold onto these people or things and can short circuit our ability to express our prosperity as it was meant to flow through us.

In our next blog, we’ll ask ourselves questions that continue our exploration of giving and receiving. We welcome your comments as you help one another become more prosperous.

 

And remember “we only take the love we make”.

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How Secure is Your Energy Account (Part 3)

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I like to help people differentiate the word relationship from partnership.

“Mutuality is endemic to partnership and certainly is a hallmark of relationships that thrive. “

Being in “partnership” is different from  being in “relationship”.

“Partnership is a hallmark of relationships with a high degree of mutuality.”

Let’s begin to evaluate how secure your energy account is:

List 3 relationships  by name that energize you and have a high degree of mutuality with you:

_____________, ______________,______________

Now, List 3 relationships that drain you and have a low degree of mutuality with you.

____________________,___________________,_____________

On a scale of 1-10, where ten is highly motivated to liberate yourself from relationships that drain you, where do you see yourself?

Likewise, for those relationships that bless you by their presence in your life; how motivated are you to be even more present in them?

~Cynthia V.Mitchell, author Time for What Matters, is President of her company by that name.For your FREE chapter of her book, enter your name and email to receive my free gift located at the top of the website.

 

And remember “we only take the love we make”.

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How Secure is Your Energy Account (Part 2)

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What are some questions that can help us assess whether our relationships “add to” our energy account or “withdraw from it?” This is like a study of what I will call an evaluation of a sense of mutuality in my relationships.

Here are some questions I ask which  can apply to both our personal and professional relationships)

  1. When I am with this person in person or over the phone, do I feel invigorated or drained?
  2. When it comes to listening and speaking is there a balance between who does or is it usually about the other person?
  3. When I think of moving forward in my life, do I feel encouraged to do so with this person by my side, or do I feel held back ?
  4. When it comes to things like affection, money, gifts, time, do I make more withdrawals from my energy account to this relationship or more deposits to my account?  Or is there a nice give and receive here?

I look forward to sharing part 3 of this series the next time we meet. 

Watch our videos here to learn about the solutions we have found to start living your legacy now.

And remember “we only take the love we make”.

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Cynthia V. Mitchell, the author, has been recognized by national organizations such as NAFE, the National Association of Female Executives , regionally by such agencies as the South Florida Small Business Development Center, and locally as two-term President of Women's Network of Collier County.


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Cynthia lives by the principles of Truth with heartfelt compassion and deep faith. She has taught me for twenty years that my mind either works for me or against me. You will be changed by reading her book and following her plan for success, joy and love – just as I have!
Rev. Dr. Ken Micah Murdock, Unity Minister
Former Dean of Unity Institute
Unity Village, Missouri
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